QuestionUsingassertivecommunicationisanimportantpartofrecoveryfromdrugsanda… Using assertive communication is an important part of recoveryfrom drugs and alcohol. Being assertive can help you express your opinionsand feelings, make requests of othersand respond to requests of others in a respectful manner.Assertiveness leads you to feel more in controlof your life and increases the chances your goals will be met. This lesson will give you background on differentstyles of communication and give you some ideas about how to express yourself in a way that is helpful,instead of harmful to your relationships. You probably already know there are many ways people communicate, and not all of these ways are assertive. A person does not always communicate using the same style, but often there will be patterns. The following are descriptions of interpersonal communication styles. As you go through these descriptions, think about which one is similar to your style and consider the followingdiagram of the continuumof communication styles: Passive communication can feel like a finely honed skill and can be effective; however,people who are communicating passively often give up their rights,especially if what they want is in conflictwith what someone else wants. They often hide their thoughts and feelings and as a resultmay feel depressed, anxious or angry. They often don’t say anything,even when they disagree or are angry at someone.Passive people often do not get their needs met and may cause damage to relationships with othersbecause of their lack of communication. Some passive peoplemay attempt to get their needs met through actions or inactions. When we use our actions or inactionsto communicate it typicallytakes longer to get what we want and increases frustration on all parties involved. Consider the following example of passivecommunication: Sally stopped drinkinga few weeks ago. She is tryingreally hard to stay sober.Whenever she gets togetherwith her family for dinner, her brotherdrinks a few beers in front of her. It really bothersSally, but her brotherdoesn’t think it is a big deal, especially since Sallywasn’t a beer drinker. Sally is angry and frustrated that her brother doesn’tunderstand how hard this is for her, but she does not want to confrontthe situation and possibly cause an argument so she doesn’t say anything. Sally starts to dread being aroundher family. In the following boxes, completewhat the benefitsand drawbacks are of using passive communication in Sally’ssituation. Benefits ofPassive Communication Drawbacks ofPassive Communication The main benefit of passive communication in this situation is Could Sally’s passive communication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How has passive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used a passive communication style?What did it look like? What was the result? Aggressive communication can also feel like a finely honed skill and may also be effective; however,there may be some significant drawbacks to aggression including increasedfighting, increased stress, increased anger, and increasedrelationship dissatisfaction. People who are communicating aggressively are puttingtheir interestsup front, but often at the expenseof others rights or feelings.They may get their needs met in the short-term, but over the long term, relationships may suffer or even be destroyed because of their behavior. Othersmay feel they are not being heard or respected and sometimes are made to feel worthless. Consider the followingexample of aggressive communication: Sally’sbrother sits down to dinner with a beer. He figuresthis won’t bother Sally since she used to drinkhard liquor and he is not going to get drunk. Sally sees the beer and starts to yell at him, tellinghim how evil he is for drinking and that he is purposely trying to taunt her. She tells her parents that she is not coming over again because everyoneis so disrespectful of her feelings. Sally’s brother and parentsare confused since they did not realize there was a problem. Sally is even more angry and upset after the confrontation. Sally’sfamily wonders if they should invite her over since she has behavedso hostile. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits ofAggressive Communication Drawbacks ofAggressive Communication Could Sally’s aggressive communication lead to alcohol or other drug use? Why or why not? How has aggressive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used an aggressive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? You may have heard of the term Passive Aggressive Communication. Peoplewho are indirectabout what they want may be communicating in a passive aggressive style.They don’t state directly what they feel or think and may hint at what they want, and expect others to figure it out. They sometimesact out what they want to say, such as slamming doors,giving someone the “silenttreatment”, being late, or doing a sloppy job. They try to get what they want without having to directlydeal with others. Again, short term goals may be met, but long term,damage to relationships can occur and the person may becomeangry or depressed when othersdon’t read their cues correctly.Consider the following example of passiveaggressive communication: Sally can’t believeher brother is drinkingin front of her and at her parent’shouse! She thinks her family must not be supportive of her. Insteadof directly tellingthem how this bothers her, she makes sarcastic and mean remarks to her brotherthroughout dinner.She doesn’t bother to help her parents clean up like she usuallydoes and leaveswithout saying goodbyeto her brother. She leaves angryand feeling sad that her familydoesn’t care about her. Her family membersfeel mistreated and confused about her behavior. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using passive aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits of Passive Aggressive Communication Drawbacks of Passive Aggressive Communication …
